Monday, May 11, 2009

Egypt Losing War on Swine. What Iran, Hezbullah, and Israel Have in Common

"Ghazwat al-Khanazeer": this is what some commentators in Arab media are calling the new Middle East War- and it is not all tongue in cheek. The name harkens back to the early Islamic battles of 14 centuries ago in the birthplace of the faith, the Hijaz Region of the Arabian Peninsula.

Arab media report that in its "War on Pigs", the Egyptian army has succeeded in killing only about 10 thousand enemy combatants so far. This is considered by many commentators as an unhappy level of performance, especially in view of the billions of dollars of arms purchases and foreign military aid. There were estimated to be more than 300 thousand pigs in Egypt, the actual number is probably much higher, but de-Nile is a river in Egypt- n'est-ce pas?

Initially there had been high hopes, even by the Islamist militants, that the army will quickly route the enemy and rid the country of the abominable pig (referring to the four-legged variety). National pride in the military has not been unanimous: Christian Copts, for example, have strongly, and in some cases violently objected to a move that pretends to concern public health while trying to encroach on their own cultural heritage- at least encroach on their cuisine. Some may see the military campaign as a prelude to end the presence of pigs (four-legged ones) in Egypt, thus destroying a rich history that goes back thousands of years.
But would liquidating the swine make the country even more homogeneous?

Some in the pro-regime media (i.e. almost all the media) are already laying the groundwork to blame a possible Tabout Khamis (fifth column) that sympathizes with the plight of the pigs. This fifth column is suspected by some of undermining morale and some even believe it may have helped the pigs directly. This looks suspiciously like the end of October 1973.
Some are seriously looking into an Iranian connection, others suspect a Hezbullah connection and yet others are seeking a possible Israeli connection. There is some logic in all that, of course: all the above do not like pigs. I forgot all about the grim boys of Hamas.
Cheers Mohammed

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Egypt's army and the pigs:
The death of his wife did not keep prime minister Ahmed Nazeef (Nazeef=Clean) from closely monitoring developments in the war being waged by the Egyptian government against pigs…..Meanwhile more than fifty thousand Copts (Egyptian Christians) who work in garbage collection warned that they might force confrontation with the authorities if they find themselves swine-less… al-Quds al-Arabi

The Egyptian government had decided to liquidate (i.e. destroy) all local pigs, estimated at more than 300 thousand, for fear of the Swine/Mexican/H1N1/N1H1/R2D2 flu. Reports from the battlefields have been sketchy, but it does not look like the Egyptian army is faring well against the swine so far. It may be facing its toughest battle since 1973 when Ariel Sharon punched through to the western side of the Suez Canal and threatened to encircle and destroy the army- the Egyptians still call that a 'victory' mainly because he actually did not destroy their army. For some odd reason he did not: let's ask Kissinger.
Better be careful: the pigs may pull a stunt and surprise the army with a multi-front counterattack led by their very own Wellington and Gebhard von Blucher. But then, after the swine Waterloo, who will end up on Elba, or maybe even St. Helena?

Speaking of porcus:
The Imam of the Holy Mosque in Mecca has said that all Shi’a ulema (clerics) are heretics without exception. He also denied that Saudi Shi’as face sectarian (Wahhabi) discrimination. He told the BBC that Saudi Shi’as have taken more than their rights. When asked if he agrees with those who cast the Shi’as as heretics, he answered quickly that for the Shi’as in general this is an issue that can be looked into and considered, but as for their ulema (clerics), they are heretics without exception…..When Shaikh Adle alKalb-ani was asked if he believed in religious freedom he said that there should be limits to freedom, asking almost rhetorically (my term) ”Do they have mosques in the Vatican?” …He also said that we will never hear the sound of church bells in the Arabian Peninsula…..(my rhetorical question: so how do they get married to their ten year old brides over there?)al-Quds al-arabi
I must say, if I had way I would cast most clerics of all faiths as heretics. I may not even start with the good Shaikh Adle alKalb-ani himself. A disclaimer: Shaikh Adle al-Kalbani is not completely adled. His last name derives from ”canis” , a k a man’s best friend but presumably not the shaikh's- look it up.
This is the last word on pigs and their wars for now. But stay tuned.

Friday, May 01, 2009

On Terrorism, Cuba, and Don Corleone. Middle East Swinocide and Literacy. A Guantanamo Closes in Lebanon.

"As a ring of gold in a swine's snout So is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion" Proverbs 11:22

"And the swine, though its hoof is parted, and is cloven-footed, yet it chews not the cud; it is unclean to you. Of their flesh shall you not eat, and their carcasses you shall not touch; they are unclean to you" (Leviticus 11:1-8)

"Prohibited for you are 'al-maytah' (animals that are found dead),
'Al-Damm' (blood), 'lahm Al-Khinzeer' (the flesh of pigs),
and animals dedicated to other than God." Quran

Terrorism, al-Qaeda, Don Corleone, and (a fly) Swat: “US State Department report names Iran as the major sponsor of terrorism in the world…But al-Qaeda, which has restructured and rebuilt in Pakistan, is the biggest threat….The Bush administration deleted North Korea from the list of states supporting terrorism… Which leaves Iran, Syria, Sudan, and Cuba….”
Cuba? Maybe, but it sounds so twentieth century…sort of like talking about the gulag or Generalissimo Franco...Or even Batista, Hyman Roth, and Don Corleone (fils).

Everybody, almost, knows about al-Qaeda regrouping in Pakistan/Afghanistan after their defeats in such places as Iraq and Saudi Arabia, for now. But which of these four states on the list sponsors al-Qaeda? Could it be not a state, but part of a state apparatus, such as the Pakistani ISI? Or maybe it is done in a roundabout way through the ‘more palatable’ local Taliban.
FYI: al-Qaeda also has growing influence in Yemen (Arabia Felix), where the qat (ghat) is eminently chewable (by all) and the various tribes and sects are restless when they are not stoned.
BTW: the green Afghan grasshopper (Karzai, if you need to ask) has been awfully quiet lately, ever since the fiasco about legal conjugal rape.

Church and Dungeon: “Churchgoers are more likely to back torture…survey finds.” CNN, today.
So, what else is new? I could have told you that without a costly, funded, survey. That has been often the case since before Tomas de Torquemada. Just look around: religious fun-dementa-lists of all denominations are more prepared to condone violence. Look at the Middle East (as well as America). Both the Islamic fundamentalists as well as the extremist Jewish fundamentalist settlers in the West Bank who stand in the way of peace. Not to mention the political fundamentalists of the right who have never met a contracted private torturer thy didn't like.

Update on Egyptian swine: The decision to slaughter the swine in Egypt has been clarified. The healthy swine will be slaughtered for food, as they are supposed to be (ever hear of pig milk or pig cheese? Come to think of it, why not?). The contaminated swine will be utterly destroyed. Apparently they have not heard the cautions from WHO and other health officials that the pigs are not carriers, not the four-legged pigs anyway. Maybe Egypt’s politicians are like most other Arab politicians: they do not read beyond comic books.
If it makes any difference: the UAE has banned the import of all sorts of swine. Told ya about the aversion to reading thing, didn’t I?

Along the same vein: “An Egyptian wife, a female doctor, has asked a judge to annul her marriage after her husband refused to grant her a divorce. This all happened after she discovered that her husband is in fact an undertaker, not a veterinarian as he had been claiming to her. She discovered his true job by accident while she eavesdropped on a phone call…” Alarabiya, today.
When confronted, the husband is reported to have coolly told his wife that “So what. At least I deal with humans instead of animals as you had thought.”
Not exactly a hate crime, but…

Guantanamo in Beirut: Four top Lebanese security officers (some of the very top security chiefs in Lebanon) had been held by the Lebanese government four years without charges, suspects in the bombing assassination of former PM Hariri. Yesterday the International Court reviewing the case in the Hague ordered them released because they were being held illegally and for lack of evidence to indict them. The four (a mix of Muslims and Christians) came out swinging in favor of Hezullah and its allies. The 'opposition' are ecstatic, even though they are playing it cool, not gloating too loudly in this tense election year. The Hariri-Saniora camp has several eggs, exactly four eggs, on its collective face, for it was the government that held these four so long without charges. They would have preferred the four released after the June elections.
Lebanese analysts seem to think that this will affect the outcome of the election. Maybe but not by much, on va voir.
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