The Martian, Iraq, and Iran:
Is the war in Iraq still going on? Or has the mission been finally accomplished? That may be the impression a proverbial Martian would get from watching cable news channels: Fox, CNN, MSNBC, etc.
(Of course if he watched Fox News every day, he would wonder if it is not about time to start a new overdue war with some place called Iran, which confuses him).

The Martian and Polygamy:
He, the Martian, or she the Martianette would think that a retired black pastor with a small moustache and a smirk for the deserving cable TV cameras is the main problem facing the planet Earth.
Had the Martian landed last week, he would have thought that a desert compound for a polygamist sect was the main problem facing the planet Earth. He would note with amusement the location of the compound in a place called Texas eerily resembling some of the arid lands near Valles Marineris.
He hears that this Texas place is supposed to be renowned for its steers and beers, among other things. He is surprised that they are still not sure who won in the elections in Texas, but he thinks it funny that people in another place called Florida do not seem able to organize a smooth vote.

Hill, Bill, cojones and chest hair:
A labor official pushed Hillary Clinton's candidacy today by stating that the country needs a president with "testicular fortitude" a.k.a balls, cojones. In that case perhaps Mrs. Clintoin can enjoy the benefits of a good niche Lebanese film called "Caramel". The film evolves around women in a salon that specializes in hair removal: they use the sweet sticky brown stuff and they munch on it. But the film is almost a chick flick, which may be dangerous territory for the recently macho New York Senator. It certainly will not put any hair on her chest.
No, Rocky Balboa never made it to that salon in Beirut, but maybe Rambo did, which puts it right up the alley of the self-annointed obliteratrix.

The Martian and Democrats:
Somewhere in between these two weeks, the Martian would have thought that the whole planet was concerned with the strenuous efforts of an affable white-haired man, elegantly dressed, in offering up his wife who apparently likes to wear pantsuits. He would not know what he is offering her for. Is she for sale? Is she offered as a sacrificial non-virgin for some peculiar god? Is he trying to get rid of her in order to buy a new wife?

He would hear about someone named Obama and hear questions about whether he has distanced himself enough from something or someone named 'the reverend'. He would conclude that this Obama is some sort of evil spirit that threatens the planet. That is, if Martians believe in evil spirits.

He would hear the same reports and the same mantra repeated all days, for many days, and he wonders why. Then it dawns on him that perhaps these Earth people are either natural slow learners, or perhaps the news anchor people are as dumb as those distant Mercurians he had met. He notes that some of them, including a loud famous radio commentator, pride themselves on coming from a place called the "show me state", which reinforces his conviction that they are too dull to imagine, and that they need to be shown everything.

The Martian would also wonder about some unseen super-creatures so powerful that he cannot imagine what they look like. Creatures that apparently no ordinary human can see, let alone a humble Martian. Creatures only whispered about in the repetitive cable TV newsrooms and in the other corridors of power. And he would wonder: who the hell are these super-delegates?

Cheers
Mohammed